Convince me I need an iPhone. I dare you.

Why is everyone out to get an iPhone these days? Even before the 4th-gen iPhone was announced (or leaked), everyone wanted one. They wanted one without knowing what it was going to look like or what new features it was going to have. Everyone trusted Steve Jobs to deliver.

Now that new iPhone is here, even more people want the new device. It just boggles my mind how Apple does it. Let’s imagine that I know nothing about the iPhone. Here’s what a conversation between me and an Apple employee would sound like.

Apple: Hi, can I help you with anything?

Me: Hi, I have a smartphone already; it’s the HTC Desire which runs Android. But I just heard that you guys have an iPhone4 that just released.

Apple: Yes, that’s right.

Me: It seems everyone wants one. So perhaps you can tell me why I should buy the iPhone4?

Apple: Well, it has got a Retina Display which makes everything appears super sharp on screen.

Me: It does look sharp…compared to previous iPhones. But it’s hardly sharper than the WVGA display on my phone…

Apple: Well, it has a front facing camera for FaceTime.

Me: That’s interesting, but I’ve had phones with front facing cameras since 2006 and I’ve never had the urge to make video calls over 3G.

Apple: But FaceTime is new. It allows you to make video calls only over WiFi.

Me: Isn’t that less convenient than 3G?

Apple: Right…anyway…We have this other new feature. If you double tap the home button, you get access to your most recently used apps. We call this Multitasking.

Me: Sorry, that’s not very impressive. My PocketPC back in 2001 could multitask just fine.

Apple: You can organize your apps into something we call Folders. And you can set an image as a background on your homescreen. We call it Wallpaper.

Me: Have you been living under a rock? Folders and wallpapers have been around for as long as I can remember!

Apple: You can shoot video in 720p and take still pictures with the 5MP camera with LED flash.

Me: The quality of the videos and pictures are impressive, so you got me there. Anyway, let me ask you some questions.

Apple: Sure.

Me: What happens when I receive an SMS or email while I’m using the device?

Apple: You get a popup with options to read the message or dismiss it.

Me: What if I don’t want to read it yet but I don’t want to dismiss it either because I’m sure I’ll forget to read it if I do?

Apple: Sorry, you'll have it read it right away.

Me: Can I save email attachments?

Apple: Yes, if someone emails you some pictures, you can save them directly to your photo gallery.

Me: But what if the attachments are not images?

Apple: Nope.

Me: Can I send emails with attachments that are not images?

Apple: Nope.

Me: Can I download files from the browser? Let’s say I want to save a pdf file I found on the web locally. Can I do that?

Apple: Sorry, no, but the browser is very fast and text is crisp on-screen.

Me: The browser does look nice. But those top and bottom bars seem take up a lot of space, especially in landscape mode. Can I get rid of those to get full-screen browsing?

Apple: Nope.

Me: Can I send and receive files via Bluetooth?

Apple: Nope.

Me: Ok, I’ve heard enough. Let’s recap. What am I impressed with?

Apple: The quality of the recorded videos and photos?

Me: So, you’re telling me that is worth HK$5000?

Apple: Uh…yes…would you like me to help you preorder the device?

Me: Seriously? Your device can't deliver on features that are basic mundane tasks. I'm not asking for out-of-this-world things. I'm not asking the iPhone to be able to microwave my dinner and then feed it to me.

Apple: Well, if you order now, we can give you a free case so that the cellular radio works properly.

Me: What?!